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Quick links Ask Us … Calendar of Events … Join the Mission … Looking Ahead … Tell Us Your Story … Did You Know? Changing Lives: De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times freely offers timely advice to hearten a disheartened world. HeartMath Definition: Text Anxiety: Virtually everyone will experience some form of it sometime, but you can overcome it with help from HeartMath. What People Are Saying: HeartMath technology, through IHM’s Military Service Appreciation Fund, helps soldier in a unique way.

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Relationships and Stress: Add Care and Compassion, a Little Work

At the end of a long and difficult day at work or school, or perhaps following another frustrating day of job hunting, it’s nice to have someone to come home to that you feel safe with – a spouse, partner, significant other, caring parent, sibling or friend.

Our relationships, we often hear, are what make it all worthwhile, but you don’t need to read it or hear it said to know it’s true. The proof is in the bonds we share with people and the warmth in our hearts when we are together or even when we’re far apart. That is, of course, when our relationships are working.

Sadly, they don’t always work. There are a myriad of reasons why friendships and loves diminish or fade, but each of us shares that sense of loss when the bonds are broken with those we care about.

Our relationships will be tested – on that we can count. At times like these, when financial troubles are affecting so many, this is true more so than ever: homes are being lost, savings spent for necessities, college postponed, gift-giving scaled back. For many, in these dire financial times, dreams have died and hope has faded.

Add to that massive hunger, poverty, violence and the assault on our environment, and it’s no wonder that stress levels are so high and rising around the planet.

Reinforce Relationships by Managing Stress – and Emotions …

The debilitating effects of excessive stress have long been established by researchers at the Institute of HeartMath and around the world: high blood pressure, greater risk of numerous heart problems, sleeplessness, fatigue, cognitive impairment and a less efficient immune system, among many others.

Less apparent, but equally at risk are our relationships. Stress that builds unchecked can poison a healthy relationship – without our even knowing it. The negative emotions that heightened stress – key among them anger, anxiety and fear – often lead us to speak words or take actions that are harsh, illogical and uncharacteristic.

HeartMath researchers have explored human emotions extensively using heart-rate variability, or heart rhythms, to measure inner emotional states and stress, explains Science of the Heart: Exploring the Role of the Heart in Human Performance, an overview of research conducted by the Institute of HeartMath.

After years of such studies, Science of the Heart notes, "It became clear, that negative emotions lead to increased disorder in the heart’s rhythms and in the autonomic nervous system, thereby adversely affecting the rest of the body. … Disharmony in the nervous system leads to inefficiency and increased stress on the heart and other organs while harmonious rhythms are more efficient and less stressful to the body’s systems."

Moreover, our ability to think clearly and reason often is impaired during heightened stress, so the decisions we make may be less effective and beneficial than when we are in a calmer, more coherent state.

Things Are Working Out Well …

Ever said to someone, "Oh, things are working out well" in answer to an inquiry about your relationship with a lover, friend, family member or colleague at work. Notice the word work in the answer. There seems to be an implication that our relationships entail or require some sort of work, and we know from experience that they do.

Though it is not always apparent at the start of our relationships that the work they require is in fact a labor of love, time typically shows that the strongest and purest relationships are born of the qualities that give our lives the greatest rewards and the most meaning. Our task is simply to adopt and practice these qualities and bask in and enjoy the rewards.

• Qualities of the heart – Ever read or received advice on how to get along with others, forge stronger friendships or build lasting relationships? Chances are that advice included some of what the Institute of HeartMath calls qualities of the heart. The absence of these qualities in our relationships can sap their vitality and eclipse their endurance, observes HeartMath’s popular Improving Relationships e-booklet/MP3 audio file.

Here are three key qualities of the heart that can improve your relationships and much more:

• Care – What greater gift can one person give than sincere care for another, whether it is comforting the sick or grieving, giving hope to the hopeless or offering inspiration, guidance or encouragement to one who is wavering on a new course, about to make an important decision or searching for meaning in his or her life.
• Compassion – Heartfelt compassion for the circumstance or plight of another person, a nation, our planet or any entity, even a pet, not only lifts up others, it also triggers actual psychophysiological responses within our bodies known to enhance our cognitive abilities, including problem-solving and decision-making. We are actually better able to translate our compassion into solutions that can truly help others – whether it is on a small scale or a grand one. Consider the contributions of so many great people throughout history: Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale, Gandhi, Dr. Albert Schweitzer and many more. Great people with great compassion!
• Appreciation – Oh the joy of young lovers holding hands through the park; behold the joy of a sunny day after weeks on end of cloudy skies; and true is the joy of those to whom we express genuine appreciation for what they do and who they are. Would it amaze you to learn that each time you bring that joy to another, offer thanks for a blessing or express gratitude for a kind deed or word, you’ve also done yourself a world of good? You can believe it: IHM has conducted a broad range of scientific studies in which a recurring constant has been a measurable correlation between positive emotions, especially appreciation. Learn more about positive emotions at HeartMath research.