Effective Communication & Relationships

• What’s Happening Internally?
• Authentic Communication
• Facts at a Glance
• Who Needs HeartMath Research-Based Programs?
• IHM Research and Articles Related to Effective Communication & Relationships Among Students
• Products and Programs to Facilitate Better Communication & Relationships
• Funding Tips for Educators

The relationships of our lives – parent-child, siblings, friends, student-teacher, co-workers and others – seem essential to the fabric of human existence: They give meaning, validation, strength, encouragement, hope and so much more to our years. Without them, we can imagine drifting through our days merely surviving, but always alert to connect with something outside of ourselves.

It may be said that the thread that binds our relationships is the ability communicate, for it is through communication that we receive from and give to others. Typically, the more effective the communication – shared understanding by sender and receiver – the greater the quality and longevity of our relationships.

Our earliest years are spent, without our ever acknowledging or being aware of the process, learning to communicate and form relationships. Then, when children enter the educational realm, they begin perfecting those skills and gradually begin to acknowledge and embrace how to communicate and form relationships – and what works best for them.

Effective communication can be achieved in many ways, whether it is through an astute command of language; an intuitive grasp of the underlying meaning of another’s spoken or written words; the ability to use a combination of words, facial expressions, gestures and other means to convey understanding; or through the unspoken and unseen energetic communication transmitted through the electromagnetic fields that all living things generate.

What’s Happening Internally?

Carved in stone at the entrance of a school founded by Plato were the words of his teacher, Socrates: "Know thyself." If we can gently impress upon young learners that knowing themselves is the path to cultivating effective communication and relationship skills, their experiences will be richer and more rewarding. Where better to begin this cultivation than internally, where the heart, brain and other bodily systems are engaged in constant communication and energetic relationships that govern how we think, act and feel.

"We need to have good communication between our emotional and logical centers to be able to recognize and understand what others are feeling and how our behaviors are affecting them, a skill that is critical for making and keeping friends," explains the HeartMath^® booklet for teens and young adults The Inside Story: Understanding the Power of Feelings. "In a way, we could say that the heart and brain ‘talk’ to one another – and together they ‘talk’ with the body. The signals they send, whether harmonious or chaotic, can make all the difference in how we feel and act." Read more below about The Inside Story.

Among the most important findings by the Institute of HeartMath^® during more than 19 years of research is that the greatest inhibitors today to this internal communication and the relationships between bodily systems are elevated stress levels and unbalanced emotions. Doctors, self-help and longevity experts, educators, clerics and many other professionals concur that knowing how to reduce stress and manage emotions are essential skills for healthy living in today’s fast-paced, complex world.

If Your Heart Could Talk …

Actually, your heart is a highly intelligent communicator on several levels:

• As noted above, the heart is in constant communication with all of the body’s systems.
• The heart is a lifelong companion that speaks directly to you and advises you intuitively. Even as the brain tells us to think, do, act and even say one thing, the heart is right there with wiser counsel or to confirm what the brain is telling us. Ever been asked, "Well, what does heart your tell you?"
• The heart also communicates on a completely different level: Through heart rhythms. Your heart can actually have a conversation with you about your mental, emotional and physical state through its rhythmic patterns, which you can view on a monitoring device.
• HeartMath’s emWave^® PC/Mac technology, for example, is communicating today with tens of thousands of people, including students of all ages and in schools worldwide, about their psychophysiological state. Students from elementary schools to universities are using HeartMath techniques and programs to lower stress levels, manage emotions, communicate better, improve relationships, reduce test anxiety and improve overall academic performance. They can see in real time their heart-rhythm patterns on a computer monitor. See emWave^® PC/Mac below.

The physiology of learning …

Students in today’s classrooms are expected to begin achieving academically at a very early age, often before their communication and relationship skills have had much time to develop. Their success in the initial years of learning increasingly reverberates throughout their education and beyond to their position in the workplace, society and families of their own.

At the Institute of HeartMath, which has been engaged in studying the physiology of learning for many years, researchers have established that there exists a measurable physiological state that enables optimal learning and performance: When emotions are balanced and the heart, brain, nervous system and other bodily systems are in harmony – as indicated by smooth heart-rhythm patterns – physically, mentally and emotionally, the higher cognitive processes are facilitated. Stress levels decrease, mental clarity and energy increases and students are able to communicate better and enjoy improved relationships at school, home and socially.

For a simple illustration of how our internal systems can get in the way of effective communication and relationships, think of time with a relative, friend, another student, even a referee when something made you angry. It seemed no matter how hard – or loudly – you tried, you could not get the other person to understand quite exactly what you wanted to say. It is very likely your anger caused you to experience at least some of the following symptoms and they were impeding your ability to effectively communicate your meaning:

• Your head hurt.
• Neck and shoulders were tight and perhaps your entire body went rigid.
• Breathing and heartbeat became irregular. This is particularly common when experiencing negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, fear, depression, etc.

Choose to Change

IHM researchers have learned and demonstrated through controlled field studies that humans have the capacity through the practice of intentional positive emotions such as care, appreciation and compassion to rebalance our internal communications and relationships. Those same studies have shown in many cases that people who adopt these simple practices can experience immediate and/or gradual improvement in their ability to communicate effectively and forge stronger relationships with others.

A simple but powerful way to enhance relationships with partners, friends, family and colleagues and to hone your communication skills is to be a good listener. You may recall receiving such counsel in your childhood from a parent, teacher or other person concerned about your happiness and well-being. Few would doubt this wisdom, so the challenge is learning how to do it.

Authentic Communication

HeartMath has developed the following simple formula – Authentic Communication™^† – for becoming a good listener – as well as a good communicator, trusted friend and cherished partner in your relationships.

Good listening involves hearing on three levels:

1. Words – what is actually said.
2. Feelings – the emotions behind the words.
3. Essence – what the combined words and feelings actually mean.

Here is a passage on the subject from the HeartMath e-booklet Improving Relationships:

"Authentic Communication requires both learning how to speak your truth from a genuine heart-vulnerable place and especially learning how to listen more deeply. Slowing down and making a sincere effort to listen can help keep the communication bond intact. It helps you be aware of your partner’s deeper feelings, bringing a more sensitive, essence-based understanding." Read more about Improving Relationships.

† Adapted from the Authentic Communication™ Technique, which is discussed in depth in Improving Relationships.

Who Needs HeartMath Research-Based Programs?

• Students of all ages
• Teachers and administrators
• Student counselors
• Parents of students

How HeartMath Facilitates Effective Communication & Relationships

• The HeartMath System approach, which includes practical, easy-to-learn techniques, technology and training programs, was developed to ensure that our internal communications and relationships – those of the heart, brain and other bodily systems – are in order. Individuals learn how to recognize and then manage elevated stress levels and emotional imbalance so that when they communicate and share relationships with others they do so in a healthy psychophysiological state.
• The Institute of HeartMath has been dedicated to improving the mental, emotional and physical well-being of people of all ages for more than 19 years. IHM maintains a staff of researchers that are constantly exploring heart intelligence and the physiology of emotions, which are teaching us ways we can communicate effectively and form more meaningful and lasting relationships.

IHM Research and Articles Related to Effective Communication & Relationships Among Students

• The Impact of an Emotional Self-Management Skills Course on Psychosocial Functioning & Autonomic Recovery to Stress in Middle School Children: This study in which students participated in a HeartMath training program at Palm Springs Middle School in Dade County, Fla., provided some interesting results regarding student communication and relationships. "Students’ leadership and communication skills improved, and harmful behavior problems decreased. They felt more supported by their families and friends, more comfortable with their teachers and showed increased compassion with their peers. The children also felt more comfortable with themselves, were more assertive and independent in their decision making, more resistant to the demands of peer pressure, and better able to manage their stress, anger and negative internal self-talk. In essence, the children showed increased satisfaction and control over their lives while with friends, at school and around their families." Read the study abstract.
• TestEdge^® National Demonstration Study: There is an important relationship between students’ social and emotional well-being at school and optimism about their academic performance and future. Generally, students that had closer peer relationships than others felt happier and more secure and that school better prepared them for life. They also showed higher academic performance than those who did not have these close relationships. Students participating in HeartMath’s TestEdge^® National Demonstration Study, funded by the U.S. Department of Education, demonstrated significant improvements in their awareness of others’ feelings (Empathy), their ability to share their feelings with others, their feelings of being understood, and their ability to avoid arguments or fights. Click here for more information about the TestEdge Study.
• Science of the Heart: Traditionally, the study of communication pathways between the head and heart has been approached by focusing primarily on the heart’s responses to the brain’s commands. However, scientists now know communication between the heart and brain actually is a dynamic, ongoing, two-way dialogue, with each organ continuously influencing the other’s function. Research has shown the heart communicates with the brain in four ways. Learn more about these head-heart interactions in the HeartMath publication Science of the Heart: Exploring the Heart in Human Performance.

Products and Programs to Facilitate Better Communication & Relationships

• emWave^® PC/Mac Stress Relief System: Students and adults enjoy watching their heart rhythms in real time, seeing how their emotions affect them and discovering which emotions they can activate to effectively manage stress and emotions. HeartMath’s research shows reducing stress and balancing emotions are keys to effective internal, and ultimately external communication and relationships. Individuals of all ages will learn how the emWave PC/Mac can help them intentionally shift to positive emotional states. Numerous field studies have shown that shift can enhance academic and personal performance, boost energy and lead to improved health and well-being. Go to emWave^® PC or emWave^® Mac.
• TestEdge^® Interactive Learning Programs, for Grades 6‑8 and 9‑12+: The various levels of the TestEdge programs are designed especially for students’ participating in a formal education program – public or private. The interactive formats help students understand the link between their feelings and academic performance. They can see how stress and emotions can interfere with learning, getting along and communicating with other students, friends, family and teachers. The programs give several practical, easily learned stress-reducing techniques and practical tools for communicating more effectively. Real-life scenarios are presented that depict the ways stress can adversely impact students’ lives and how they can reverse that impact. Situations include balancing academic and extracurricular work and project deadlines, relationships, family pressures, internal self-talk and more. These programs, presented on CDs with accompanying booklets .are suitable for classroom and home use. Go to TestEdge^® Interactive Learning Programs.
• HeartSmarts^®: HeartSmarts^® for Grades 3-5 and the new Early HeartSmarts^® for Ages 3-6 were especially developed to teach young children effective communication and relationship skills. Children in both programs learn to recognize their emotions, how their behavior affects themselves and others and how they can personally change negative emotions and behavior to achieve more desirable outcomes. The Early HeartSmarts child learns fun, simple, powerful skills for self-emotion management. Children work together in small groups learning about problem-solving, creativity, self-regulation and more that can help ease the transition from home to the classroom environment. HeartSmarts for Grades 3‑5 continues building the bridge between emotions and academics for young learners. Age-appropriate lessons contain simple, visual, heart-centered activities and materials. Short lessons use experiential learning in pairs and small groups for problem-solving, improving relationships and engaging in collaborative discussion of topics related to school performance. Go to HeartSmarts for Grades 3‑5 or Early HeartSmarts^®.
• The Resilient Educator^® and Qualified Instructor Program^®: Teachers, schools counselors, administrators and other educators also can help students and themselves become more effective in their communication and relationships through these professional development courses. Educators can learn to increase energy, resiliency and commitment to helping shape young minds through the Resilient Educator. Participants in the Qualified Instructor Program learn about HeartMath tools, techniques and technology and are licensed to teach them and the Resilient Educator to school staff in workshop settings. Go to Resilient Educator^® or Qualified Instructor Program^®.
• The Inside Story: Understanding the Power of Feelings: This simple and enjoyable booklet helps teens and young adults understand the connection between their emotions, health, performance and daily lives. Engaging and visually pleasing text is clearly written and full of vital information pertaining to the latest research in neuroscience, emotional physiology and stress. Promotes healthy behavior and well-being and provides tips for reducing emotional turmoil, anger, hostility and depression, leads to better communication and relationships. Go to The Inside Story.

Stories about how IHM Facilitates Better Communication & Relationships

• Ann, an elementary school teacher reassigned to a junior high class because of a teacher shortage found the students to be testy and intimidating. Her story, included in HeartMath’s book Transforming Stress, by Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, tells in her words of her experience with HeartMath’s Attitude Breathing^® Technique.
  
  Each morning I’d wake with a sense of dread, not wanting to face the day. And once I woke up, it was hard to shut my mind off. I would worry, blame myself for my shortcomings or be thinking of how I could do things better. When I faced the first class, I was still fighting the anxiety, not knowing what backtalk I was going to get from these kids today. After I learned (Attitude Breathing), I used it each morning. I did it while getting dressed and ready for the day, in spite of the fact that anxiety was causing my solar plexus to churn and my mind was racing. I also did it in spite of the fact that I could not feel my heart. I just kept telling myself to breathe ease and appreciation for the kids I liked. By the time I sat down for my morning coffee, I could feel a shift. Sometimes it would be to a more calm and centered place. At other times, a warm feeling of love would flood into my heart, or a sense of peace. No matter how agitated I felt upon rising, by really going for the Attitude Breathing, by the time I faced my students, the sense of anxiety and dread had eased and I felt ready to face the day. I also have found it valuable to remind myself to do Attitude Breathing during the day, and it’s helped me maintain inner security and balance. It has not been an easy teaching year, but without the Attitude Breathing tool, I can’t imagine what this year would have been like.
• Here is the story^† of a student that panicked momentarily, then remembered the lesson of intentional positive emotions.
  
  It was opening night of the school play and Zack, a fifth-grader, had the lead role. Everyone was excited! The curtain opened slowly and Zack’s heart began beating faster. He was surprised to see so many people out there, all looking at him! He noticed that he had forgotten to breathe and the palms of his hands began to sweat. He was sure everyone could hear his heart pounding in his chest. He was beginning to panic! Would he remember his lines? As soon as he noticed the panicky feeling, he remembered the HeartMath technique, Heart Shift. He focused his attention on his heart and took a few deep breaths, then he remembered his birthday. Doing so made him happy. He got in sync. The play was successful and he felt proud of his performance!
  
  

  † From the Getting in Sync for Learning module in the HeartSmarts for Grades 3-5 program.